At the age of ten, my cousin took a dramatic job change from “hairdresser” to “animal control officer.”  It seemed funny to me at the time, but now I look back and realize she actually changed not only her own life by taking up that job, but probably everyone around her, including me.  

You see, the first dog she rescued was an approximately three year old Rottweiler.  The dog had been on the road for quite some time, judging by her dismal weight and the condition of her elbows and paw pads.  She had travelled from presumably hundreds of miles, with no idea where she was going, as though she were blindly compelled into our paths.  

My cousin knew my mom had currently discovered she had a great deal of interest in Rottweilers, so when she found this one, and had no success in finding any owners, she was the first call.  My mom came to me one day and said we were going to look at a dog.  At the time we had two dogs already, and they were nice enough to let me do pretty much anything to them.  She told me to be cautious, that this breed of dog had a bad background and that we weren’t sure what to expect.

When we got to the pound, I was certainly a little nervous; I had just been told the dog might be violent.  But my cousin rounded the corner with a very excited lovable dog.  The dog was doing a whining roaring noise which she did in the future when she was very excited.  Usually it was a noise she made when we got home, almost a welcoming excited howl.  It was as if she knew us already and had missed us for the longest time.

At the time however I didn’t understand the noise and it just made me more nervous.  She pulled on the length of leash my laughing cousin was holding, rushing to see us.  She  pushed past my parents and came right towards me.  She then turned back towards my cousin facing away from me and sat right on my foot.  She was so excited and kept looking up at me all happy; it was love at first sight.  I then got down and hugged her from behind, which soon became our favorite form of hugging.

As you could probably gather by now we brought her home shortly and she quickly adapted into becoming a loved member of the family.  We found a tattoo in her ear, which lead us to the breeder out in Florida.  He wouldn’t disclose any information on her, and the second he found out she was fixed he lost interest.  If she wasn’t fixed, He probably would have tried to claim her, and breed her.  

Shortly after we got her we would constantly chastise her for growling when we tried to give her hugs.  We then realized that it was a happy growl.  For weeks we had been slapping her in the face for her telling us she loved us.

She was always such a happy dog.  She would run around so happily in the yard that we laughed over the way she seemed to prance.  She almost never ran, she would prance around like one of those Budweiser Horses.  Though she was fixed, she was very motherly.  She had these squeaky toys shaped like odd furby type things which she would dwell over for days on end.  If anyone were to accidentally step on it and cause it to squeak she would cry and lick it until she was certain her child was okay.

She also liked to chew on kongs for some time (a rubber chew toy with a hole in the middle)  and whenever we got home she would run and get one and breath through it heavily while saying hello.  We said she was doing her Darth Vader impression.

Growing up I had close to no friends.  I had some people I was friendly with in school, but for the most part I usually ended up being laughed at and ignored.  No matter what happened at school though, no matter how bad I felt, when I got home I always knew Nikki was there to help.  She was my best friend.  

We would go outside and play sports like basketball and soccer.  Of course she didn’t know the right way to play, but when the basketball came down from the hoop she would instantly attack it and get it back over to me and wait for me to throw it again.  I could kick the soccer ball four feet to her left, and she would still manage to block it from going by her.  

I remember one time she ended up hurting her elbow playing a game with me somehow and she needed to go to the vets.  She had her ears back and was licking the air in pain, but she didn’t once bark or reject the veterinarian, it was almost as though she knew she was there to help.  The vet pulled slightly on her arm in various places to isolate the area of the pain.  She was a brave girl and didn’t once cry or anything.

Before that incident one year we had to take down the above ground pool.  She loved the ice that came out of it, like it was a toy she would run around tossing it up and pouncing down on it.  Once it got nice and dirty she would lap it, like the bowl of fresh water wasn’t good enough or something.  There was so much ice from the pool that she was playing with it until it all melted, which took quite a long time.  

When I got my wisdom teeth out, my mouth was completely numb and they had me on a strong dose of pain killers.  I was sitting at the couch trying to eat spaghetti o’s, but they were just running down my chin and all over my shirt.  I didn’t notice for the longest time, because my face was still numb.  Nikki sat across from me getting a hug from behind from my dad just staring with her ears back, licking the air.  She was all upset thinking something was wrong with me, and my dad was doing his best to cheer her up.

My family usually goes to the beach in winter.  There aren’t any entry fees, the beach is empty, the views are great, and the dogs get free reign.  Somehow Nikki would always find an abandoned tennis ball, which she would play with for weeks after.  She never played with tennis balls, so if she lost that one and you tried to give her another, she simply wouldn’t take it.

Before I got a raised bed, Nikki always liked to sleep in the bed with me.  I used to be afraid of a large number of shadows around my room, so having her there with me was ten times better than any other comfort.  

Though Nikki liked to play with ice, unless we went outside with her she generally disliked the winter.  She was a Florida dog; her favorite time was the summer and spring.  During the summer we would have campfires and cookouts in the back yard, which meant lots of human food and play time.  Her and Xena would always rush outside when we let them out, so that they could try to catch any squirrels or other creatures trying to find refuge in our backyard before the scurried away to the outside of the fence.  They would then bark like maniacs for a few minutes before continuing on with their lives.

During the summer she was a cow-weiler.  She would continually eat grass, which is said to be good for their digestive system but could also make them vomit.  She could care less if she did or not though, she would just keep grazing until she found a large enough patch of grass.  Often when she found long grass, like when we took them for walks through the woods or something, she would uncontrollably roll around in it, like it was the most comfortable object in the world.  

One time we were walking them through the woods at a spot we enjoyed and we hadn’t seen anyone in a long time.  We decided it was alright if we let them off the leashes, because they weren’t making any attempt to get away.  Well, it worked out okay for a while until Nikki heard something in the woods.  She took off running without stopping and went right out of sight.  We were screaming the entire time for her to get back, but there was no sign of her.  For a few minutes we toyed within the depths of panic until finally we saw her prancing back to us with a funny look on her face as though to say “what?”

She was a very good dog to us, but she was also very protective.  She didn’t seem to like too many other people, which just reminds me of how odd it was that she took to us immediately.  For the most part she was very nice, but there were certain people she just didn’t like whatsoever.  One of those people was actually one of the men at the pound, who wanted to put her down.  In fact, if we hadn’t taken her in, that man may have killed her ten years ago.  She also didn’t like men who smoked or wore faded out base ball caps.

She actually didn’t seem to like baseball caps in general.  One summer we were having a campfire and I walked through the back gate with one on.  Her eyesight wasn’t too good in the dark, and she used to bark like crazy whenever somebody came in.  The second I would say something though, her ears would go back and she would run over to me, licking the air and asking for hugs.  We always used to talk for her, me and my dad.  We would use a different voice and say funny things like we pictured she would.  In that case we decided she would be saying.  “Oh crap I’m sorry the Paul, I didn’t know it was you!”

One summer when we had the four wheel drive beach sticker, we took all of them to the beach and found ourselves a secluded little area.  They liked the beach in the winter, but the summer was just as good.  That’s where she found another child.  It was a large clam shell.  We searched for as many as we could find for her, because she liked them so much.  She used to hold it by the part that usually connected it to the other half.  She wouldn’t do anything with it, she would just hold it there, keeping it safe from the outside world.  

She also loved waves.  We brought her down to the water and she would watch the waves coming towards her.  When it got to her, she would snap at it, biting the strange creature.  One time the water wasn’t very wavy, so I brought her out and used my arm to make waves.  She missed the wave one time and her K9 tooth got in my arm.  That was the only time she ever harmed us, and it was an accident.  She knew what she did hurt me and she was all upset.  Her ears were plastered against her head for close to an hour.

That reminds me of another time when we took her to a small lake.  It was nice and warm, so we were tossing sticks in and watching them go after them.  We had nice large leashes at that time, which were probably around 30 feet long or so.  After a while I decided to go for a swim, so while holding Nikki, I went into the water and started swimming as far as I could.  Well, Nikki didn’t like the idea of me being out so far, and after a while she swam out to me (keep in mind the water is a good fifteen feet deep) and grabbed a hold of the leash close to my arm.  She them dragged me back in, as though I were her unruly pup.

Nikki loved spring.  It was the same as summer, only it wasn’t quite as hot on her black fur, and of course, there were flowers.  She loved flowers.  She was so silly she would just prance around the backyard from one section of flowers to another sniffing away at them until they made her sneeze.  This didn’t stop her though, she would sniff until her nose couldn’t sniff anymore, and then she’d sniff some more.  

Whenever I made a tuna sandwich, it was like Christmas morning.  I would give them all the juice that came from it, which she would lap up politely, and then wash it down with water while I prepared the rest.  When she was done, I was just about starting to cut the pickle, which she loved.  This pissed off Xena to no end, because even though she begged to try it every single time, she didn’t like the taste of it and ended up getting nothing.  

During the summer of my graduation, and part of the next year, I worked at a supermarket.  They would schedule me for shifts like five PM, so I would just stay up until three AM or so.  Nikki was always staying up with me, sleeping beside me on the couch, or claiming the other sofa for her own.  If she didn’t stay up with me, she would stay up in the hallway or sleep on her bed with her head poking out the door.  There she would stay until I walked up the stairs, and then and only then would she recede into the bedroom to sleep.  

Not to mention waiting up for me, she also always seemed to place one of her children right in the center of my floor, as though it were there to keep watch over me.

In her final days, I think she knew she was close to her demise, because I would find three to four of these babies guarding over me when I woke up, instead of just the one.

I have told you about her life; so if you want a happy ending stop here.

***

I was snapped out of a deep sleep by my mother’s heartbroken voice.

“Paul, I’m taking Nikki into work.”

I knew what it meant; she was putting her to sleep.

“Why?”  I said in a loud tone of disbelief.  I knew it was coming eventually, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to comprehend that the time was now.

Apparently the cancerous growth in Nikki’s throat had gotten to her worse than ever throughout the night, and she was having some extreme trouble breathing.  So at some point during the night with Xena whimpering while Nikki Gagged, my parents decided it was time.  

Without a second thought, I jumped out of bed and threw on my jeans.  I knew I had to be there for her, how she had been there for me all these years through all my plights.  I shed a few tears before going downstairs, seeing her lying there oblivious as to why all of her owners had suddenly taken to an act of chaotic anguish.  

Me and my father we the only ones collected, though even we were having trouble.  My father was never one to cry, he steps back and analyzes everything before losing control, but this was a situation that had no logical solution.  There was the simple fact to understand; we were losing a family member today.

So I sat with her and tried to imagine it was any other morning, and that I was simply sitting behind her to give her a tight loving hug as I always did.  There was no way to ignore the cold hard facts however, as my mother called the vets office to tell them we were coming, and me and her lumbered towards the car.  

I’m not sure whether my mom was driving slowly or not, but nonetheless the ride there seemed to stretch on forever.  I sat in the back seat with her, my hand never leaving her side, my eyes hardly straying from her face.

I felt terrible.  No matter how close we had been, no matter how much of a friend she was to me; she was still a dog.  I don’t think she knew what was going on.   The entire time her ears were never plastered to her skull, and she never once licked at the air.  Her face was relaxed, she looked sad, her eyes concerned.  All she knew was she felt sick, and everyone seemed upset.  

We arrived at the vets.  It was always a place of healing for her, a safe haven.  She must have imagined she was going to feel better.  Perhaps she would, none of us will know until our time comes.  Nevertheless, we were shepherded out back, and my mother gave me one last offer.

“You know, you can go out to the car if you want; you don’t have to be here.”  I’m not sure how she did it without crying.

I blew it off.  I had to be there for her, she was my best friend.  No matter how badly I wanted to cry, I kept it in.  I didn’t want Nikki to worry for me, as she had so many times before.  I didn’t want her to comfort me, when it was her I was grieving for.  I held it in the whole time, even when we entered the room and she was laid upon a blanket.  At the time I thought of how kind the people were to try and make her comfortable on her deathbed, but later I realized that blanket must have been laid out to make it easier to transport her precious body after the deed was done.

They shaved her leg, where the needle was to enter.  It strikes me with sadness after I thought of how long it would take her fur to grow back, and then realize she won’t be around to know it.  My mother is hugging her back, I’m at her face.  It amazes me now to think how I was able to keep my composure while staring her straight in the eyes without so much as a sniffle escaping my nose.  I simply rubbed her cheek in a feverish form of comfort, occasionally switching to scratch that special spot just behind her ear.  

They pressed the prep needle into her leg, but neither of us paid any attention.  It makes me wonder now if she even felt it, because her ignorance was almost unnatural.  She just kept staring at me, like the day we first met.  She trusted all of those in the room, and had almost seemed to make peace with the fact that it was over.  

The needle didn’t work.  I was granted a few more precious moments with my friend while they tried the back leg.  Several dozen more scratches later, the prep needle was ready, waiting for the connective piece that contained the future.  They then asked if we were ready… Nobody asked her.  My mother confirmed we were, and they attached the other part.  

I knew there was a reason I despised the color pink.  The vile liquid which was surely to end the life of my dear friend swirled in the container as she attached it to the prep needle, and then started to send it into her.

I tried to block out the sight of the needle.  Nikki had began to get slightly alarmed, as though just realizing something was being done to her arm, but I wouldn’t allow her to look.  We just continued our titanium eye sight bond, and she slowly appeared to grow tired.

Soon her breathing was growing labored, her eyes began to drift.  Then she looked back to me and took a deep breath.  I rubbed her cheek lovingly, but she never shut her eyes, or even exhaling the air she had just taken.  I felt like I could feel a difference; like I knew my friend was no longer in there.  After a minute I gave her cheek one last rub, as though she would suddenly exhale and look around.  She didn’t, I stood and went to the door, looking out.  That’s when I let the tears flow.  She was gone, and there was nothing we could do.

For some reason in my mind I always imagined that her will to live would be so strong that she just wouldn’t die.  Doctors would be baffled to realize that their methods simply hadn’t worked the way they were supposed to and that we would all go home and be happy with our Nikki girl once more.  That wasn’t the case.

I realize Nikki was “just a dog” however she was so much more to me.  She was my best friend.  She stood by me through bright and dark, and comforted me when I trusted no other for the job.  She played with me past her point of physical exhaustion, through pain from injuries.  Therefore this is a message to all that have read this far.  Hold all of your friend close, human or otherwise.  One day something like this will happen, and when the door opens you will expect to see them come running in…  They never will.

I can never again hug her from behind or hear her happy growl in my ear as I hug her head, never again will I wake up to find that her babies are guarding my floor diligently.  The day I lost her, I put two of her children on my shelf, next to the picture my girlfriend gave me.  When I went to bed that night, she wasn’t there to see that I had made it to bed.  She always had a light breathing noise which was like a guardian angel to my tired mind.  It wasn’t there this night.  So don’t take friends for granted.  When you think you are fed up with them, think back on all of the good things, and try and imagine life without them.

They say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer…
I say you don’t have to worry about enemies if you keep friends close enough.

I would like to end this with a word to my friend.

Nikki, wherever you may be –

Te Desidero. (I miss you.)